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memoir

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Brentano’s Bookstore. Westlake Center. Seattle. Mid-Nineties.

I was up front, stocking the poetry section, momentarily resisting the urge to crack open some Robinson Jeffers or Theodore Roethke and read a few lines. A man came through the doors, making a beeline for me, announcing: “I need a book about space.” He was in his sixties. He had been wearing a hat as recently as ten minutes before. I guessed his wife was shopping in the mall, and instead of spending his purgatorial sentence parked on one of the mall benches, he decided to put his time to use. I suspected it was his first time in a bookstore in years, maybe ever.

Books on Space. I’m on it. I am always willing to channel my inner nine-year-old and dig through the science section. I grew up in the sixties when space was the current frontier.

Kennedy at Rice University
JFK at Rice University, September 12, 1962

In 1961, John F. Kennedy got up and got behind the space program. Inspired by cold war competition—the Soviet Union had launched Sputnik in 1957, and sent Yuri Gargarin once around the planet in 1961—Kennedy spoke powerfully, intelligently, persuasively about flying Americans to and from the moon before the end of the decade. In his 1962 speech at Rice University he said, “We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too.” Project Gemini and the Apollo Program were soon all over the news.

 

The cultural notions of space and future were significantly recalibrated in that moment.

 

Rocketships were out. Rockets were in. The 1950s style space sit-com Lost in Space gave way to the tech savvy Star Trek, its set infused with updated realism, its plots frequently dealing with the ethics of space exploration. Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey was closer to us in time than Star Trek. Its special effects, its themes of evolution, existentialism, and artificial intelligence are so well done, that when the millennium approached, we were all disappointed by the discrepancy.

Major Matt Mason and Team

The toy aisles filled up with rockets and astronauts. The Major Matt Mason action figures, spacesuits, rockets, and rovers were designed based on actual NASA concepts. And finally, at the end of the decade, as promised, we had the moon landings.

We watched Apollo 11 launch and land in the summer of 1969. 94% of the homes with television sets tuned in. Later landings would be shown in schools. In my classroom, a huge black and white television set was wheeled in on a cart. This was a big deal at the time—a lot of our multimedia experiences in school still involved a Filmstrip Projector—a combination slide-projector/record player that beeped when it was time for the AV assistant to advance the strip.

We sat at our desks, watched them walk on the moon, and collect rock samples. It didn’t matter that the images were low-resolution, and high contrast, or that the astronauts were moving in what seemed like slow-motion. It was exciting, memorable, and cool—and certainly more interesting than the usual curriculum.

The magazine stands filled with beautiful, powerful, color cover photos. The intense blue of the Earth set off by the rich black of space. After seeing the Earthrise photograph taken by Apollo 8 astronaut Bill Anders, the poet Archibald MacLeish wrote:

 

To see the earth as we now see it, small and blue and beautiful in that eternal silence where it floats, is to see ourselves as riders on the earth together, brothers on that bright loveliness in the unending night—brothers who see now they are truly brothers.

 

Earthrise. Taken by Apollo 8 astronaut Bill Anders, December 24, 1968
Earthrise. Taken by Apollo 8 astronaut Bill Anders, December 24, 1968

 

As I walked the guy back to the science section, he began getting more specific about what he was looking for. “I need a book about the moon,” he said. Then, getting more animated, his brain switching gears, he said, “You know how they showed the moon landings on TV? Well, I was thinking—there’s no air in space. So how could we hear it? How could we hear any of it? At this moment, he somehow became both solemn and excited. “Sound waves need air to travel in! In space no one can hear you scream—right?”

A bit stunned, I showed him some books while he elaborated on his theory. I gave a go at explaining that television transmissions, both video and audio, were sent via electromagnetic waves, which did not require air as a medium, but what he heard me say was: “blahblahblah.”

I actually met the astronaut Jim Lovell in that very bookstore. He had recently released Lost Moon, the book that was the basis for the Apollo 13 movie—he was the astronaut portrayed by Tom Hanks. He was thoughtful and friendly and did not strike me as a man harboring a gigantic secret.

 


Space-Book guy continued, adding the cherry to the top of his conspiracy cake: “That’s why they went after OJ—because he made that movie.”

 

He was referring to Capricorn One, the movie about the government faking a Mars landing, starring OJ Simpson. The movie’s other stars—Elliot Gould, James Brolin, Sam Waterston, Brenda Vaccaro, Hal Holbrook, and Telly Savalas—seem to have been spared persecution for their parts in this cinematic revelation of government conspiracy.

I wished him good luck, and walked toward the front of the store, fully intending to pull out the Yeats I had just shelved, and read The Second Coming five or six times as a tonic.

 

Epilogue

Apollo 9
Apollo 9 was the third manned mission in the United States Apollo space program.

Russell Schweickart
Lunar Module Pilot, Apollo 9
His thoughts on orbiting the Earth
March 1969

 

“But up there, you go around every hour and a half, time after time after time. You wake up usually in the mornings, over the Middle East and over North Africa. As you eat breakfast you look out the window and there’s the Mediterranean area, Greece and Rome and North Africa and the Sinai, that whole area. . . . And you identify with Houston and then you identify with Los Angeles and Phoenix and New Orleans. And the next thing you recognize in yourself is that you’re identifying with North Africa. You look forward to it, you anticipate it, and there it is. And that whole process of what it is you identify with begins to shift. When you go around the Earth in an hour and half, you begin to recognize that your identity is with the whole thing. And that makes a change. . . .  And from where you see it, the thing is a whole, the Earth is a whole, and it’s so beautiful. You wish you could take a person in each hand, one from each side in the various conflicts, and say, ‘Look. Look at it from this perspective. Look at that. What’s important?'”

 

 

Recollections of Early Childhood (after Wordsworth)

— • —
My father fainted when the doctor began stitching up my tongue. I was four.

— • —
I remember lying on the grass one summer day, watching the clouds drift into shapes, and seeing this huge Chinese head lean over the edge of a cloud and look directly down at me. We looked at each other for . . . minutes . . . hours . . . days?

— • —
When you’re five and it’s cold and Christmas Eve and you’re driving to your grandparent’s house—the moon following beside your car over the frozen wheat fields of the Idaho panhandle is such magic that you try to capture it in poem for years and years and cannot ever quite.

— • —
My father took me rock climbing with his buddies. They had a rule: If you stepped on the rope, you got spit on. That day, I was wearing a light-blue short-sleeved Idaho Vandals sweatshirt. I was 7.

— • —
In my 30s, I was putting together a book of my paternal grandfather’s memoirs for him to give to the family. I was stunned that it taken me so long to realize that he was actually horrible, insecure little prick.

— • —
My uncle, when he was a teenager,  got into a fistfight with my grandfather. I often weigh this against my own experience of not having thrown a punch at my father.

— • —
I started walking at nine months—which I’m sure was a nuisance to my eighteen-year old parents. I got my first stitches shortly thereafter—it involved a vase at their friend’s house and I got them just above my left eye.

— • —
When my paternal grandfather found out that his son had impregnated my mother—both were 17—he shamed my father so hugely and so completely, I think he never recovered. I heard this story for the first time at my father’s funeral.

— • —
My family story is a train-wreck occurring for generations over decades. Did I jump off in time?

— • —
When I was four, my mom and my aunts took me to a drive-in movie. I was supposed to sleep in back. I did not. The movie: Rosemary’s Baby.

— • —
I remember very vividly scraping the living bejesus out of both knees at the age of five, while riding a pedal fire-engine at a friend’s house.

— • —
When I was five, my mom would put me on the bus in Moscow, Idaho and my aunts would pick me up in Lewiston.

— • —
I would spend weeks of summer at my grandparents house—the single A night baseball games were well-attended, totally electric, and it was the best temperature of the day. I’d go with my grandfather. I’d take my mitt.

— • —
Best summer memory of my maternal grandfather: going out at night with flashlights to catch earthworms in the flowerbeds we had watered before dark. Honorable mention: Driving the golf cart at the country club and bowling at the alley he owned.

— • —
My grandmother tried to teach me how to whistle with a blade of grass (I still cannot do it, alas).

— • —
When I was very young, I spent a lot of time in Lewiston with my Grandmother. Those moments were totally lived in the present. I wish I remembered more. I think my mind has become too organized by time since then. But I still have these memories of walking to the store to buy licorice and Mountain Dew (back when the bottle had hillbillies on it).

— • —
I have a very distinct visual memory of touching a hot stove burner the first time. It was totally a science experiment. Lesson learned.

— • —
When I was six, I dropped a rock over the fence onto my friend Bryce’s head. It was also a science experiment. I am stunned over my lack of regret at the time.

— • —
When I was nine, and at school, someone entered our house—he didn’t take anything but he did pee on the floor.

— • —
In second grade, I told Tami that she was my favorite girl. She proceeded to march me around to her friends to have me repeat it. Lesson learned.

— • —
In second grade, at recess, I found myself surrounded by 4 or 5 girls. Lisa Sanders kissed me. I had a crush on her for years after that. Maybe even still.

— • —
My grandmother kept a stash of JFK 50-cent pieces in the freezer. She gave them to me on my eleventh birthday so I could buy a 10-speed.

— • —
It took me ten times to pass beginner swim lessons at Mission Pool in Spokane.

— • —
Elementary and Junior High Crushes: Peggy, Tami, Lisa, Shari, Denise, Joette, Debbie, Cindy, Teri, Yvette, Debbie, Suzy, Tari, Annette, Donna, Wendy, Anne, Sue, and JoAnne.

— • —
In elementary school, I ran home from the bus stop everyday one year. I cannot remember why.

— • —
In elementary and junior high school, the male teachers had hack paddles. Some of them lovingly carved in the school’s shop to leave special marks—initials in many cases— on young boy’s asses.

— • —
In sixth grade, I was often found sitting in the hall for being a smartass. I know, big surprise. I always just avoided the hack-paddle.

— • —
In ninth grade, I was 5’2” and weighed 100 pounds at the first of football season. I weighed 92 by the end of it.

— • —
To hell with the time-space continuum—if I could go back in time I’d beat the shit out of at least 9 people, including my father and several teachers.

— • —
Fights were held after school at the pump house. The fierce recess passion had usually died off by then, but word had gotten around, it’d became a spectator sport, and the show must go on.

— • —
My brother launched a perfect toss of the bat from home plate toward first base where I stood after an easy out. The bat spun in slow motion like the bone tossed into the air in 2001: A Space Odyssey. The cut that followed was not as famous as Kubrick’s.

— • —
You cannot line-item veto shit from your past. Alas.